Nobody listens to me / by kevin murray

Good communication is a vital part of any successful personal relationship, as well as being of immense value in business dealings.  Yet, many people complain each and every day, that the other party is not listening well to what they are saying, or not really paying attention to what they are saying, or simply don't seem to be listening at all.


One of the main problems with listening is the impatience displayed by the other party, in their rush to say, whatever that it is that they really want to say, without taking fully into account what the other person has said.  So too, many people go through the motions of listening to the other person, but in reality, only feed back to them trite phrases, so that they can impart what they feel to be of much more importance.


Additionally, there is a tendency during any sort of communication, for one party, or even both parties, to believe fully that what they have to say trumps whatever the other person has to say, because that person feels that they are smarter, more knowledgeable, or more important, so that, it would behoove the other party to just be quiet for a little bit, and for them to listen to the other person, so that they could learn.


The main reason that so many people believe that they are not being listening to, is actually because, more times than not, the other person is not actually listening to them, but rather just waiting for a pause in the words or a lull in the action so that they can say their part.  Another reason why so many people are convinced that they are not being listened to is that the other person has not reacted in a manner that would indicate that they have actually heard and comprehended what has been said.


One way to get around all of this non-listening is for the person that is supposed to be listening, to actually sum up, what the other person has said, before they go on to say their own part, and then for the person that has been talking, to confirm that this summation is accurate.  At least, by doing that, there is a general agreement that the other party has listened.  It is, though, one thing to listen to another person and actually understand what they are saying, and quite another thing to listen and then do what the other person desires that the listener should do, because the former involves just listening, whereas the later involves a commitment by the listener on behalf of the one that has been speaking, of which, the listener should carefully consider whether doing whatever it is, that they actually are in adherence with it.


That is to say, for those that say that nobody listens to them, because those that hear them talk, do not ultimately do anything different, after that talk, does not necessarily mean that they have not listened, but probably means, instead, that they do not wish to be obedient or in conformance to what the talker desires to be done, because they do not agree with it; but to confirm that this is so, the listener should acknowledge that they have heard what has been spoken and then indicate why they are not in agreement with it.  That way, rather than that speaker saying nobody listens to them a more appropriate response would be that nobody obeys them, as these things are quite diametrically different. 


So then, if you really want people to listen to what you are saying, pay more attention to what other people are saying, and acknowledge such so that it is clear in their mind that you have heard what they have spoken; and then when you speak, request that they show you the same consideration that you have previously shown them.