One of the main reasons why disagreements get worse is that one or both parties are absolutely convinced that they need to “win” the argument, and in a case in which only one side can win, this is going to result in a resolution that will probably not be satisfactory to both parties. A better idea when we disagree, even when what appears to be a serious dispute between one to the other, is to take the time to understand where the other person is coming from. In other words, try to empathize with them, and thereby let the other know that we want to better understand them, and to thereby see things from their perspective. After all, we know our own perspective, or certainly ought to, so it would behoove us when we are looking for a practical solution to be willing to see and to feel how things look from the other side and thereby, by doing so, create common ground in which there is a better chance of a successful resolution which is satisfactory and of lasting value to both parties.
There are plenty of people who are good at the talking, but are rather poor at the listening, especially when what they are hearing is not something that they desire to hear. Nevertheless, in actuality, we need to do a better job at listening, because everybody has a story, and oftentimes it means a lot to them that they be respectfully heard. After all, just because we listen to the other, doesn’t necessarily mean that we agree with what they are saying, but we owe them the respect of trying to understand their position, and in order to demonstrate that we have heard them correctly, we should be able to sum up what they have been expressing and then repeat that to them, to verify that we are now on the same page.
Indeed, everyone deserves and is entitled to have their own voice, and whenever we decide that such a voice which annoys us or that we don’t agree with, doesn’t deserve a fair and respectful audience we are going to find that the problem isn’t going to have a successful resolution forthcoming, because there isn’t a foundation being formulated and encouraged that will enable that to happen. This is why we need to be more empathetic, because if we are unwilling to do our good part to understand the other, than we shouldn’t expect them to do the same for us, and ultimately what happens in a dispute is that the party in the stronger position will often get what they think that they want, but by doing so they have failed to comprehend, that there may well be some sort of blowback for dismissing the other as some sort of irrelevancy.
In sum, those who do not believe that it is necessary to understand the position and the perspective of the other, or have the audacity to believe that they already know these things without a true investigation have put themselves into the position of simply believing that the only thing that really matters is their own perspective and by ignoring empathy and by being unwilling to listen or give time to the other, have created a construct which will not fairly solve the issue at hand, but will probably exacerbate it, even if it appears to have been resolved.