In life, we do find that most of us are inclined at least some of the time to make negative judgments about the other, thus labeling these people as something that makes us to feel better than them, because in that judging, we serve to push them down, while correspondingly lifting ourselves up. Whether or not this is a true reading of the situation seems not really to be of concern, but rather it serves to make us feel superior to the other, and thus to be their better.
The thing about judgments is that we typically don’t ever look into the mirror to actually reflect about how we judged the other, not just from the perspective as to whether we were fair or not, but rather whether the faults that we have labeled them with might have some relevance to our own character faults. That is to say, when we determine that somebody is selfish, it might well be, that per the criteria that we have defined as selfish, they fit the bill, but what is left unexamined is the fact that the real reason we are upset about their selfishness has a lot of do with basically feeling that they aren’t generous enough to our self which is thus the very area that we wish that they would change in our favor. In other words, they are selfish because they are not serving our needs.
When it comes to our relationships, it is vital that each party feels that they are receiving from the other, something of substance, which thus helps to make each of our lives to be better and when that is lacking, the judgmental part of us is going to come into play, because we don’t feel that the other is actually listening to us, or paying us enough mind, whereas on the other hand, we believe that we are doing them right in our actions, even when it could be adjudged, that we have in our way, let them down, as well.
When it comes to judgments, it needs to be recognized that this is a two-way street, and further to the point, those that feel that they are not getting what they need, should probably in a considerate way, address that issue with the other person, because it could well be, that the other simply isn’t aware that there is even an issue, and it is also possible that they need some sort of wakeup call from us, or else nothing will change, and that which constantly bothers us and thereby is never successfully dealt with, is something that is only going to continue to fester within our being.
Those that are quick to judge, or even insist upon the need to judge the other, should understand that judgments are best left to those that are in the correct position and frame of mind to render a fair and impartial judgment, because when that is lacking, we each have a strong tendency to see the other as failing us, when in actuality, we too, through that same lens, has failed them, which is why we need to be more aware that is often our unmet needs that lead us to make the judgments that we duly make.