Approval and disapproval / by kevin murray

Most people have a strong desire to see themselves validated by others, especially by others, that they respect and interrelate with.  If, such approval, stopped with only those that were most important and pertinent in our lives, that might indeed provide material benefits, for those that know us well and have our best interests in mind, are certainly people that should be engaged in order to get appropriate feedback and to help us to become the best people that we can be.


On the other hand, seeking approval from everyone is a path that can only lead to dissatisfaction and hurt.  The very first thing to be cognizant of, is self-respect begins with ourselves, so that, those that feel a need to be liked or approved by everybody, are inevitably, compromising who and what they really are, in order to ingratiate themselves with others.  While, this may even be effective in certain social situations, the downside is incredibly harsh, for when our happiness and satisfaction is actually held in the hands of another, then they so have the power to use such as a whip or as a carrot, in order to more easily control the situation for their benefit.


While it might be okay to fantasize about being loved by everybody, recognize that such is always just a fantasy, for even the very best amongst us, are not now and never will be universally liked or loved.  For instance, some people are hateful, for their own reasons, of which this may be because of their own failures, frustrations, envy, and jealousy.  Others may not like losing attention when outclassed by someone of far more impressive credentials, and so and so forth.  The list of reasons why someone would not like us is literally endless, and because of this, trying to seek the approval and respect of everyone, is not ever possible.


While most everyone has a desire to be liked, that is not the same thing, and should not be confused with, being respected, so that, to be liked by one's peers, may just come down to following their lead, agreeing with them, and always going along to get along; whereas, a person of integrity, does well the things that actually actuates them, for the overall betterment of themselves as well as for others, of which, by staying focused, and on point, this will garner them the respect of those peers with discriminating minds.


There isn't a necessity of needing approval of just anyone, especially from those that don't really know you.  In addition, even those that do know you and care about you, may have their own agendas from time-to-time, of which their expressed disapproval  or approval are a means to manipulate or to control the situation, so one should not only consider the source but also the motivations behind the source. 


This is your life, and it cannot be someone else's, for they have their own lives.  Those that are too fearful to do this or that, unless expressly approved by someone that is not them, are forging the chains of their own imprisonment, not seeming to recognize, that they were created to be free of such entanglements.